Gone Too Soon Part 1

 Keagan's Point of View~





         I held her as she cried.

         Deep into the night, her desperate tears flowed down her flushed cheeks into my collarbone. Her narrow shoulders shook, her frame shivered as it lay against mine, her eyelashes clung to each other when she closed her dark blue, bloodshot eyes. She tried to weep silently, as if it were even remotely possible. But all efforts were futile. The tide rolled in, and when it receded it brought her with it, making her crash against the salty water as if concrete. Life wasn't close to fair. But no one needed to tell Amelia Rulord that twice.


          After a while, her long arms wrapped around my torso and she held on tight as if she would fall apart if she let go. Maybe she would've. She was tearing at the seams, bursting with a pain that she didn't deserve. She cried like I've never seen before, her body shaking avidly, warmth leaking slowly out of her. I stroked her chocolate brown hair and kissed her temple in an attempt to calm her. 


         I hated seeing my Lia this way. My strong, beautiful, stubborn, caring, gentle Lia, reduced to falling tears and searing pain. I rocked her back and forth in a soothing manner. I wanted to speak, to let her know that I didn't think any less of her because of tears. But my mouth stayed closed, my lips mute. I could offer no consolation with words. Only with touch.


         She lifted her eyes slightly to meet mine. She rubbed the moisture from them. "He's gone." She whispered. Her voice was small, the frequency of a small child's. 
  

         I leaned my forehead against hers, closing my eyes as a tear of my own fell. "I know, baby." I whispered back softly.


         A shudder went through her and she resorted to sobbing once again, a hand cupped over her open mouth, her head cradled to my chest. I threaded my fingers through her hair and held her at the waist tightly, never intending to let go.


        Amelia breathed deeply and looked up at me again, saying barely above a whisper, "He was too young. Why..." A hiccup. "Why couldn't have been me?"


        I shook my head, my hair sweeping over my eyes. "I don't know, honey."


       She sat up on the sofa and looked out the window and the setting sun, her eyes glistening against the shimmering, fading light. "I want so badly to believe in heaven, for his sake. I mean, who wouldn't want their little nine-year-old brother in a heaven where pain is nothing but a memory?" She turned to me. "He deserves heaven. If one person in the whole universe did, it'd be him."


        I smile in I hope is a comforting way. "Gabriel's in heaven. I believe that with my whole heart."
         

        She smiled back ruefully then turned back to look out the window. "I wish I was as sure as you."


        "I'll just have enough faith for the both of us."

        
        She smoothed the skirt of the black lace dress she wore to the funeral that day and brought her knees to her nose. "Too soon."


        "Way too soon." I agreed solemnly. 


        A long, comfortable yet sorrowful silence ensued. I drew small, light circles on her back and she collapsed into my embrace. Together, we watched the sun be swallowed by the night.

                                                                            *****

         "Keagan?"

         I turned my head to meet her eyes. She smiled at me. "Have the flowers?"


         I held up the bouquet to white roses for her to see and returned her smile, small as it be.


         She took my hand, lacing her fingers through mine. I slammed the car door with my other hand and walked along the soft cemetery grass, following her to Gabriel's fresh, dirt-laden grave. We passed many graves that were at least a hundred years old, and looking at them in contrast to Gabriel's made my stomach turn. So many deaths. So many hearts that stopped. So many people chained to dust.


         Amelia reached for the bouquet and lifted them to her nose, breathing in the scent with closed eyes and pursed chapped lips. She sunk to her knees and placed the flowers at the foot of the new tombstone, then traced the words on the chilled tombstone with her finger. Gabriel Nicholas Rulord. Rest in a peaceful sleep.


          I knelt next to her and put a hand on her shoulder, tilting her chin up. "You know it's okay to cry."


          She nodded, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear and inhaling. "I just... I'm sick of crying."


          "Yeah." I didn't know what else to say. I wished I could make the pain go away, even at my own expense. 


          Amelia scooted closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder. The sky was gray, thick with rolling clouds. Rain would soon appear. The wind blew, a cool breeze just cold enough to nip at our noses. I took her hands into mine and blew on them to warm them. A tear fell onto our intertwined hands and I looked into her eyes. As gray as the sky, as sad as sad could be. 


          I leaned forward and kissed the space between her eyebrows, sighing deeply. "You're okay." She nodded. "Okay?" I asked.

   
          She nodded again, unable to speak.  "You...you don't know how much I wish..."

  
          I wrapped my arms around her, warm and strong. She curled up in my lap, her ear to my chest, close enough to hear my heart.  I nestled my nose into her hair, whispering consolations until the rainclouds settled in.


          "You're okay." I promised.


          "Someday." She answered. I carried her to the car, leaving Gabriel alone at the cruel dead's dwelling place.